Belief and the Mental G-Spot
Writing for me is unlike anything else in the world. It's addictive. It's cathartic. It's purifying (well, as purifying as it can be with me). It's maddening and terrifying and there are times when I work over a spot where it's better than...
Well, I'll put it like this; think of when that moment came when you knew you were going to lose your virginity. You mentally passed that point where you thought "damn, this might actually happen. I might get me some." That split second after - where your thoughts change to "holy-shit-son-of-a-bitch-oh-fucking-christ-my-god, I'm GONNA get me some." You know it's going to happen. There's no longer any doubt.
That split second. That moment. That's what it feels like when all the pieces of a story are fitting together. That mental sigh. You don't know what's going to happen next will actually BE like, nor do you know if you'll end up looking like a bumbling idiot or a god, but that doesn't matter because the doubt's gone. There's a world of possibilities waiting for you.
And that's what I feel like now. I've got the first complete draft of a story I've been working on for quite a while now. Right now it's coming in at around 5k words, but I'm fairly sure that after revisions it should come in somewhere around 6k words. And after I saved the file and sat back in my chair, I felt like I'd just had marathon sex.
I finished the story yesterday and then last night watched the Boston Red Sox end an 86 year drought. I saw someone in the crowd waving a photo collage with the word "believe" written at the top and it stuck with me.
It's one of the most important things in life. Belief is both a powerful and terrifying thing. Belief can turn fairytales into religions and religions into justification for terrorism. Belief can destroy entire countries. Or rebuild them. Want to know why so many BoSox fans never broke their loyalty after 86 years?
Belief that they could rise up and win. That's it. Nothing more. Just a mental state of being. Some may say that a lot of times I'm a pessimist and I would argue that. I'm not a pessimist. Fact is, most of the time I'm a realist just trying to separate the wheat from the chaff so I can recognize the bullshit of the situation. But I also have the ability to believe. Oh, sure it'll cause me some heartache sometimes when things don't work out how I'd like, but shit, that's nothing I haven't felt before.
I've taken jobs. Accepted projects where I had not the faintest idea, the slightest fucking CLUE how I was going to do the work. But I believed I would figure it out.
Know what pisses me off? Someone saying they can't do something because they don't know how. Don't get me wrong. There are exceptions. Should I be in an emergency situation and have the need for my legs to be sewn back on, I'll accept your excuse if you've never sewn limbs back on previously. Okay. Fine. But in your normal, everyday shit, if I hear that you can't do it because you don't know how... oh... my kidneys start red-lining and my piss gets hot over just hearing the words.
Just fall back and punt. Take some time and figure out what it is you really want. Then think of the course of action to get you there. So what if you're in unfamiliar territory? It's too tough to do? You're uncomfortable? Yeah, okay. By the way, the gynecologist called, he wants his pussy back. Stop being a pussy, shut up and get your ass back in the game. Go after what you want, and don't stop for anything until you get it. If it's too easy for you to throw in the towel - what you thought was important, wasn't.
Make it up as you go along and have some fun while you're doing it. It'll come to you. It'll work out. It'll get done.
All you have to do is believe.