Hypothetically, let's say that I've given my daughter everything she could ever want. Her room is a paradise. Video games. TV/dvd/vcr combo. Great stereo. Mini-fridge with stocked snacks. It's a nirvana. But high up on a top shelf I've put a shiny, glass jar of candy. Now she has other candy elsewhere. But I've laid the law down. I've told her she can eat anything else, do anything else... but leave that candy alone. But she sneaks one anyway. And I punish her, giving her the wooping of woopings.
Years pass by, and she grows up to be a beautiful woman, having children of her own.
And upon meeting them, I spank each of them - why? They're innocent, guilty of nothing. I spank them for what my daughter did with that candy.
Years pass, and the grandkids grow up and become parents. They swing by and show off the great grandkids now.
And I woop on each and every one of them. Why? For what my own daughter did with that candy.
Y'think society would let it slide? Doubt it. I'd be thrown into a dark cell and forgotten. Unforgivable you say.
But every Sunday millions of people funnel into old buildings and sing songs about a being that did the same thing as what I've just suggested.
For a long time I've been promising a rant on one of my favorite topics to rant about.
God.
If you've known me for a while...well, to be exact, if you've known me for a while and have gotten drunk enough with me...you already know my views on god and organized relgion. If you haven't been privy to that, allow me to expand your horizon.
My wife goes to church, not religiously (no pun intended) every sunday, but pretty often. She takes my daughter of 4, and if he's not acting like the antichrist, our son of 1. I do not attend with the exception of Christmas and Easter, at which point I am dragged by my ear lobe there.
Church works for her, and although I have stopped getting into any sort of religious discussion with her (nothing in there but pain), I don't say anything to take that away from her. If something works for you, great.
When I'm in church, everyone is nice to the nth degree. They're all reverent, firm in their conviction to their god. I feel like I've been dropped into the middle of a Jonestown family reunion and can't help but look around for the Jesus Juice Kool-Aid.
Huh uh. Not my thing. Not by a long shot. I feel like crawling out of my skin.
Why?
I don't buy it and if god showed himself to me, I'd spin him around, lift his robe and spank his wrinkled, lily-white, old man's ass.
A merciful god? 'scuse me while I laugh myself silly and go mix up a holy water and gin cocktail.
If "God" exists I think he's nothing more than a child playing in a park with a magnifying glass.
Guess who the ants are he's frying?
If "God" exists, I believe he acts without consequence - like a child. A child doesn't care what comes after. They live in the here and now for immediate gratification.
Disagree with me?
Then why do we tell our kids over and over and over and over a-fucking-gain to not take candy from strangers? Because children don't think about what happens later; all they're thinking is that candybar would taste good.
You hear countless football players and musicians and movie stars thanking God for the winning touchdown, the grammy, the oscar. But when's the last time you heard anyone who lost blame him?
It's time for someone to call bullshit on this game and if it has to be me, then so be it.
Bullshit.
Think about that for a while, then chew on this one.
Lucifer, the dark child, is a fallen angel.
K. Got it? God made him.
So someone please tell me how in the name of fire and brimstone that a creation of God rose up to be god-like? How did a fallen, rebellious child of God rise up to have as much dominion as he supposedly does?
Again, I call bullshit on this game.
BUT... if it works for you, great.
When's the last time you saw a miracle? How about HEARD of one?
I'm not talking Pulp Fiction miracle about finding your car keys or turning Coke into Pepsi, I'm talking about a fucking MIRACLE. Parting the red sea. Walking on water. Feeding a village of starving people from an empty basket.
Uh huh. Yeah, thought so. I stopped reading the New York Post a few years back myself.
Fairytales give hope to children. Scary boogey-men tales keep them in line.
Call the name of the known gods. Buddha. God. Allah. Jehovah.
Or the lesser ones. Isis. Shiva.
The gods that are so ancient their names have been forgotten. The pillars of their temples have turned to dust long ago.
If it works for you, great, just don't push it on me. I'll make my own decisions just fine thanks.
At the core, the teachings of the bible are pure. Good. Okay. Love thy brother. Don't covet thy neighbors wife. Don't steal. Don't kill.
Of course, back then, you could also stone your wife to death for adultery.
Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed from their sinning ways. God sent down fire and brimstone to wipe out their butt-fucking (well come on, where DID you think the term "sodomy" came from???) fornicating ways.
Funny. I didn't hear about that much evil going on in the Twin Towers when they were destroyed. Instead I saw news reports of people jumping from buildings.
I saw innocence being punished.
Genesis, the first book of the Bible, has Abraham preparing to sacrifice his son to God. "Take your son, your only son – yes, Isaac, whom you love so much – and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will point out to you." (Genesis 22:1-18) Abraham takes his own son up on a mountain and builds an altar upon which to burn him. He even lies to his son and has him help build the altar. Then Abraham ties his son to the altar and puts a knife to his throat. He then hears God tell him this was just a test of his faith. However, God still wanted to smell some burnt flesh so he tells Abraham to burn a ram.
Got news for ya. I start hearing God telling me to take my son up to the mountain and slit his throat... guess who's going to be told to get fucked?
Yep. Mr. long-in-the-tooth.
Here's one another about rape:
(Deuteronomy 22:23-24 NAB)
If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out of the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbors wife.
Um... let me get this straight. Both the RAPER... and the RAPEE are to be stoned to death?
Huh. What a concept.
Open up your mind.
Create a "best of" that works for you. Take the core truths of christianity, buddhism, islam, gnosticism. Read from the Dalai Lama. Read from the wiccans. The druids. The latter day saints and the free wheeling saints of the Great Fucking Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.
Do not go through life with blinders on. Do not go through life thinking we are nothing more than a chess game for a greater entity.
If you believe you have free will, then use it.
Because if you don't, sooner or later, there's going to be a moment when you start to see the light. You will go to the light, brothers and sisters. And things will start to feel hot and hotter still.
And you'll look up and see one big ass magnifying glass bearing down on you.
But hey... if it works for you...
