Saturday, December 13, 2008

A dick and a dollar

My muse has gone haywire.

I just got done writing an 8 minute comedic skit. I say writing, but what I really mean is dictation, because I didn't think it, as much as just try and keep typing fast enough to catch up with the running litany in my head. 8 minutes of material and something I may even venture to try at open mic night sometime.

I also am damn near finished another short and still working on the boring parts of another very cool project.

But I digress.

This week I promised you the post, "I'd bet my Dick and a Dollar."

So be it.

This colorful little phrase originated from my mother's side of the family, though to which individual I have no recollection.

This phrase is used in the context of a situation where a person doesn't quite know, yet suspects something pretty heavily. He's not quite, but almost, sure of his suspicions, so much so that he would be willing to wager not only one US Greenback, but also his manhood.

Example given:

"I'm not sure, but I'd bet my dick and a dollar that Grandpa's diddling the neighbor's wife in the afternoons."

The general reaction to this phrase may be one of humor to communicate disagreement with said phrase. This is expressed with a shake of the head and an uncomfortable laugh.

The only other acceptable reaction is the Robert Deniro eyebrow raise and head nod to indicate agreement with the gossip at hand.

Use this phrase at the office next time the situation presents itself.

Example given:

"I'm not sure, but after his last fuck up, I'd bet my dick and a dollar that Stevens grabbed his chapstick and kissed the Boss's ass to keep his job."

You'll be happily surprised at how quickly the phrase catches on during casual office conversation.

*Women, you may substitute any word you like for "dick" depending on your mental constitution and intake of alcohol during the moment this situation arises.

Current Read:
Almost done with a Year's Best Horror Anthology. Reading and re-reading a lot of my own stuff to see how my voice has changed over time.

Current Music:
Mish Mash of everything. Rediscovered Chris Cornell's unplugged in Sweden cd.
Indian chants. Gaelic monks. Yeah... a mish mash of shit.

Current Infatuation:
A Mentality of Openness.

Recent Moment of Zen:
Seeing an old man in Harrisburg waiting for his wife inside a bank. While she was inside handling her business, he bought her a single red rose. when she came outside and smiled, she wasn't an old woman anymore. Before the cold hit her and turned her frail again, made her pull her coat closer to stay warm. For the space of two heartbeats she smiled and she was no longer an old woman anymore. Her smile was the smile of a sixteen year old girl looking at the love of her life.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd bet YOUR dick and a dollar that your muse is doing more than skits...

1:58 PM  
Blogger Bob said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:52 PM  
Blogger rebelleink said...

And now I am scouring the internet for a suitable female equivalent for bet my _____ and a dollar.

So far, the best I can manage is Bet my pussy and a pound.... too bad 'pound' has more than one meaning.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

Kelli - I'd neither bet my Dick or a dollar right now, as I value both too much.

Unless.. y'know... I was REALLY sure of something. =)
And my muse... doing more than skits? Whatever in the world would make you think that???

rebelleink - See? THAT'S exactly the kind of initiative I like to see...

9:16 AM  

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