Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Ka like the wind

Yeah, yeah. I know. I said it would be over the next several days. I LIED. Been busy reviewing agent contracts, putting some more spit polish on a script, making notes for a new script... let's see... what else... oh yeah, working on the usual bullshit projects.

2004 was one hell of a year. I felt just about the full range of emotions last year. I could have easily had a breakdown. Could have easily murderered someone (and y'know what else? I'd be good at it.. this is scary, folks). I felt elation, and grief, and everything else in between and am standing on the other side looking back and flipping it two large middle fingers.

December itself was quite a learning experience for me.
I learned that sitting in mall traffic makes my hands ache in sort of arthritic way for a weapon of any kind. Something small caliber, y'know. Just big enough to destroy the vehicle in front of so I can drive through it's smoldering wreckage.

I've learned that I can be temporarily misguided by slightly attractive young women with a fake european accent. At least long enough to allow her to polish one of my thumbnails with the latest cosmetic she's trying to get me to buy for my wife.

I still hate the stomach flu. I hate throwing up. I hate becoming a human faucet for 24 hours.

2004 taught me that there are some certainties in my life.
My ka-tet of friends is as strong as ever.
I come close to tears each time I still hear adaggio for strings.
I can still, if I need to, write a screenplay in a month.
My kids infuritate me at times. And at others, make me love them so much it hurts.
My wife infuriates me at times. And at others, makes me love her so much it hurts.

But there are still a shitload of uncertainties. And for that, I will kiss the tips of my middle fingers and flip them at the sky and say bring it the fuck on.

I am guilty of saying it before, but 2005 is going to be a year of change.
Ka like the wind.

Bring it the fuck on.


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