Saturday, December 27, 2008

Why Shel Silverstein Must Die

Last night was the fourth night in a row that I dreamt that I was a child and Shel Silverstein was chasing me through my childhood home with a double-bladed broad axe. This one was bad-ass enough that I woke up drenched in sweat and biting my lower lip to keep quiet.

I've had this dream roughly eight or nine times over the past month or so.

Yes, my life is awesome. Of course, this means I may need to consider a couple of things.

One: I may need to stop eating pumpkin pie late at night. (Who am I kidding? THAT shit ain't gonna happen).

Two: Shel Silverstein must die.

All right, all right, before anyone gets their fur in a twist, I'm not talking about really killing him. I'm gonna put it all on paper in an attempt to get rid of this dream (yeah, I KNOW I've been having it since childhood, shut up). I know the man's written a ton of incredible children's books. One is up there with my all-time favorites, The Giving Tree. And Where the Sidewalk Ends never ceases to make my daughter laugh.

But I'm not talking about the guy who wrote the great kid's books. Have you seen a picture of Silverstein?

Now... go ahead. Just go ahead and tell me that dude's not enough to make you piss yourself while trying to hide from his broad shoulders and sharpened axe? Last night's dream elevated a bit from previous episodes. Last night, I saw his axe blades already had blood on them. Oh yeah. Good times. Not only was he after me, but I knew he'd done some nasty-nasties before coming after me.

So... there'll be a thoughtful post coming up shortly regarding the end of the year and going balls-out into 2009. But for now, I need more coffee. I need some hard music. I need my Smarty Jones hat on and the glow of flames in my eyes. I need to mentally dance with the Devil around a fire and shake a stick to keep the shadows away.

I need to go kill Shel Silverstein.


Blogger Kent said...

You do realize that Shel Silverstein is already dead, right?

11:25 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

That's only his psych-bearded, steely-eyed fleshy self.

I'm not entirely convinced he hasn't come back from the dead, but he definitely inhabits my dreams.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Kent said...

On the plus side, he did write "A Boy Named Sue".

To make your dreams worse: The man was fond of wearing sandals. Now that is terrifying.

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In that picture he DOES look rather axe-wielding, doesn't he?

Less creepy here.

4:09 PM  

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