Check Gauge

I just wanna scream Hello!
My God, it's been so long... never dreamed you'd return.
Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town - Pearl Jam

I'm late to the game for my end of year blog - I know. I've been meaning to write this one for a bit.

I'm not making excuses mind you, but these last few weeks have been a bit more frantic than any other I can remember. I could blame crazy schedule, driving through a snow storm in Michigan and laying first tracks a'la a Lewis and Clark expedition.

I could say there was yet another outbreak of lice in the region (though I was spared the sitcom-moment indignities of revisiting the same cashier of my past experience in purchasing lice medication).

Oh, there's other things that made the holidays of 2009 hectic and melancholy and wonderful all at the same time - a collection of amazing little moments that continued to chip away at the beast of time until another year had been laid to rest before I knew it.

Each year I usually reflect about what has happened and what I'd like to see for the upcoming trip around the sun. Seems that - as people used to tell me when I was a hell of a lot younger - the older I get, the faster the years seem to go.

This year I'm not making any predictions - no long term ones. I think I'll just go day by day and stop pushing the river that flows all by itself.

Goals on the other hand... those I've got. Some are a hell of a lot more immediate than others, but I've got a handful of those at the ready. Those I'll keep quiet until you see the fruits of my labor.

There's been a lot of changes this past year... good and bad. Some I couldn't control - others I need to start taking command of again.

Some things have fallen along the wayside and I need to unfuck that. For the longest time, I forgot who I was and what I'm capable of. One of my brothers mentioned to me a while back that he hadn't seen "me" in a long time. That struck a nerve with me. A bad one.

I'm long overdue to reintroduce myself. After some emotional trauma, some people reinvent themselves... naaah, that's not for me. After this past year, I just needed to find the core of me again... unearth it and show it some sunshine.

It's going to be hard while life gets in the way, but I need to be aware of vital signs. Check gauges. Observe any warning lights. Make sure things are running as smoothly as possible. While it may not be tip-top, at least it will get me where I need to be.

I just want to scream hello!

My God, it's been so long... but I've returned.

But now here you are, and here I am.


May you all have the best 2010 you can have.
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